To say my emotions are on a constant roller coaster would probably be the understatement of the century. I feel like I am in a state of alert all the time. Every time there is a knock on the door my heart starts pounding..Oh god is that another parcel how am I going to get this one past the kids and into the garage before they start asking questions. We put the tree up at the weekend its really lovely this year, we changed the lounge around and the whole family agree it is all perfect now. I just couldn't help being left with the sense of the impending doom of, too many toys, wrapping paper everywhere and the fact of having to cook a "perfect" Christmas dinner.
Being 36 I am feeling like I have been a slave to my hormones for long enough now. While I don't feel ready for "the change" just yet I don't think I really want anymore babies and the fact my body still sees fit to put me through the mill every month, just in case, is starting to wear thin alittle. Why do I always end up like a sulky moody teenager just before I am due covered in spots and uncontrollably miserable. Eldest having had hers for a year is pretty understanding but the two boys are always surprised by it. 6 year old, bless, the other day just said "mummy why are you in a bad mood?" at which point I just burst in to tears. Hubbie is convinced its natures way of making sure the male of the species actually gets off his bum to go and hunt for food, good time to keep out the way and that.
Everything is feeling like a mountain to climb and I could probably moan about the sun, the sky and green grass, oh goodness sake Caroline snap out of it !!!
Whenever I am in this sort of mood it always reminds me of the classic line from Steel Magnolias "I'm not unhappy, I've just been in a bad mood for the last 40 years"